Dear Harlan: What do you do if you have feelings for someone but feel like your needs aren’t being met? For some context: The woman I’m dating says she thinks we can get to a spot where my needs will be met, but I’m not sure. I do know that I want to be with her, but I don’t know if it’ll work. It’s really tough.
— Needing More
Dear Needing More: You know something is fundamentally wrong right now. Facing it can be extremely painful, but it’s the only way the relationship can grow. I’m a strong believer that we all have a moral compass inside us that tells us when things are right or wrong. We can ignore it or face it now. You know that something is wrong. You told this woman that something is wrong. Her response was that she can’t give you what you want right now. You can do one of two things: You can date her and hope she gets to the place you need her to be — taking time, energy and emotions you will never be able to get back. Or you can give her the time and space she needs to get to the place you need her to be. She might need time and space to do the work. Not having you in her life might be motivation to help her do the work to get to this place. It might be what she needs to get to that place. If she has a plan to do the work with you in her life, give yourself a timeline to see if your needs can be met.
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