Dear Harlan: I’ve been casually dating two women for a couple of months. We have made it clear that we are not in a committed, monogamous relationship. They have both asked me to commit, and I’m conflicted. There are things I find attractive about each one of them. One is incredibly smart. One is more athletic. One has a family that I can see having in my life. The other has dealt with heavy stuff but is stronger because of it. I like not being committed to one person. I can’t seem to choose. I find this all confusing. I’m considering breaking up with both of them and starting all over again. Any ideas?
— Can’t Commit
Dear Can’t Commit: Starting over again won’t change this. It will just mean finding a new woman to run from in the future. Forget breaking up. Explore what is so scary about committing. If not, you’ll always be running. Don’t believe me? Right now you have two women who want you, and your response is to want to break up with them. Breaking up won’t get you answers. The answer is to explore why it’s so hard to commit. Why is it so hard for you to be vulnerable? What happened? Find an expert who can help you ask this question and get answers. As for the women, date the one who scares you the most, and explain that you’re working on you. Then lean on the people who can support you as you deal with the bigger issues. Commit to finding answers and having a deeper and healthier relationship with yourself.