Dear Harlan: I’ve had a very big crush on my co-worker “Emily” for almost a year. Throughout the past year, we’ve become extremely close friends. We are completely open and honest with each other, are close confidants, and we make each other laugh. During the past several months, Emily has been on medical leave and has been recovering with family in her hometown. She told me that because of her condition, she will need to move back closer to her family, which obviously makes me very sad, but I know that ultimately this is going to be the best move for her. I haven’t explicitly told her that I have feelings for her or made any kind of attempt to show physical intimacy. I am afraid to ruin the friendship if she doesn’t reciprocate, and I don’t want her to think I am creepy. She’s coming back into town briefly this weekend to start packing for her move back home. We’re going to be getting dinner together, and I really want to tell her how I feel and show her that although she is moving away, I’m fully committed to pursuing a relationship with her if she feels the same way. I’m afraid that I’m being unfair to her because I haven’t given her much of an indication of my romantic feelings toward her — what if she’s completely taken aback and doesn’t know how to respond? How should I approach the situation so that I can let her know how I feel, without completely blindsiding her? To be completely honest, I’ve been waiting for someone like her all my life. – Crushin’
Dear Crushin’: Since we’re being completely honest, you’re a very big liar. You’re lying to yourself, and you’re lying to her. The risk isn’t losing the friendship or looking like a creep; it’s facing your truth. You don’t want her to reject you because you’re afraid you’re not good enough. And if she does reject you, the fantasy of being with her will end. I get it. It took me until my late 20s to figure it out. Until you feel good enough, you’ll never be completely honest with yourself, the people you love and the people you want to love. And yes, it’s possible to share your feelings and still be friends with someone who doesn’t want to date you. But it’s not possible to be a boyfriend if you never share your feelings. Give her a chance to love you. Continue to work on loving yourself.