Dear Harlan: How do I get over not feeling good enough? I’m always expecting people to figure out that I’m not smart enough, attractive enough or as great as they think I am. I find this feeling happens in my relationships and in class. I’m a sophomore in college and struggling to keep up this image of being a certain way. How can I relax and stop trying to be everything to everyone? It’s exhausting. I’ve never been able to relax. How can I get this feeling to stop? — Not Enough
Dear Not Enough: There comes a point in life when you get tired of pleasing others. Congratulations – you’re there. It’s an exciting turning point in your life. This is when you begin the process of learning how to relax. It takes time. It takes help from others. The first step is to want to change. The next step is to embrace The Universal Rejection Truth. The Universal Rejection Truth states that not everyone will always respond to you the way you want. Embracing the truth is liberating because once you give the world permission to think whatever they want to think, you don’t have to worry about winning everyone over. You no longer have to be perfect. This is how you shift the focus from being wanted to what YOU want. As you focus on what you want, you learn to be enough. You can lose yourself in therapy, meditation, exercise, art, music or anything else that can help you come to peace with who you are. Once you can focus on knowing you are more than enough and being grateful for that, the rest melts away. Lean on friends, family, your doctor, therapist and support system to help you love yourself.