Never Regret Telling the Truth About Sex

Dear Harlan: I’m having relationship regrets. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to wait to have sex. That is what you suggested. He said he was OK with this and would go at my pace. The next week, he broke up with me. He’s already dating someone else. I asked him if it was about not having sex with him. He said it had nothing to do with it. I’m having regrets. Did I make a mistake?

— Regrets

Dear Regrets:  He’s a loser. You are lucky he’s not your boyfriend. The only regret you should have is wasting time thinking about him. He gave you the greatest gift in the world. He removed himself from your life. Your boyfriend wasn’t interested in dating you. He was only interested in having sex with you. And let me tell you one more thing that makes me feel disgusted: If breaking up with you had NOTHING to do with sex (and I don’t believe it for one second), clearly he was having doubts. Be grateful you didn’t sleep with someone who was already planning to end the relationship. Clearly, there were problems. You must have sensed it. The best way to avoid getting used by a jerk is time. Be proud of yourself. You did everything right. You set a clear boundary and discovered the truth. Yes, it’s painful to break up, but it’s more painful to have someone break up with you after using you. You have nothing to regret – be grateful

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Girlfriend dumps boyfriend, friends dump her

Lonely student being bullied by her peers at the universityDear Harlan, I recently cut things off with my boyfriend. We had all the same friends. They have all taken his side. How do I make an entire group of people stop hating me after a breakup? I miss my friends. – Badly Broken

Dear Badly Broken, Don’t even try to stop them from hating you. It will just give them more reasons to hate you. Give them permission and time to realize they miss you. In the meantime, don’t expect life to be the same. Do things you love to do with people who share similar interests. Find organized groups (spiritual, organizational, athletic, professional, etc.). Use this time to become more interesting and dynamic. Patience, places and people will fix the problem, but it’s going to take shifting your thinking. While you’re getting to a better place, reach out to a couple of the friends you miss and trust – see if you can get together outside of the group. True friends will want to reconnect.

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What’s the deal with unfriending an ex on Facebook?

romantic couple kissing at sunset in front of santa monica ferriDear Harlan: Is it immature of me to unfriend an ex on Facebook? We said we’d be friends, and I know that a lot of couples who break up say that to each other, but I don’t know if it’s something that could ever work. The breakup didn’t happen because of anything terrible either of us did. We both just had different views on life and couldn’t figure out a way to work it out. I still love him, but if he doesn’t feel the same way, I have to accept that. So I’m really trying to get over it, and I feel like unfriending him would be one more step to deleting his existence. What do you think? I don’t want to be mean or immature. — Unfriendly

Dear Unfriendly: Do you really need to see selfies of your ex kissing his new girlfriend in front of a Ferris wheel?  Vomit.  It’s not mean or immature. It’s called taking care of you.  That’s mature and kind. Removing him from your Facebook feed will mean no longer getting that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you see a status update with his name on it. It will mean spending less time checking up on him, looking through his pictures, and reading his wall.  It will mean spending less time and energy on him and more on other deserving men. If you don’t want to unfriend him, you can hide his status and restrict his access to your sensitive info. But I wouldn’t worry about being mean or immature.  Be kind to you and do whatever helps you to move on and find balance.

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Mom can’t stand seeing daughter’s heart broken… again

Couple of teenagers lying in street togetherDear Harlan: My daughter, 19, recently gave her ex-boyfriend, 18, a second chance. Their relationship ended because of his lack of consideration. He wanted to act single with his friends and committed while with her. At this age, do you believe that people can change and mature, or is she destined for more heartache and heartbreak?  – Fool Me Once

Dear Fool Me Once: Of course he’s going to break her heart again. That’s what 18-year-olds do. As long as your daughter sets clear boundaries and has a plan should he relapse, she can take away an invaluable life lesson. Women with options who set strong boundaries can move on. Encourage her to always do things she loves to do with interesting people. This way, when he breaks her heart, she can pick up the pieces faster because she’ll be surrounded by other guys who can give her what she wants and deserves.

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Want drama? Get Netflix and get rid of friend with benefits

LOS ANGELES - MAR 14:  Kate Mulgrew, Taylor Schilling, Laura PreDear Harlan: I’ve been friends with this guy for about two years now. At first, he liked me and wanted to be with me, but I was taken. When my relationship ended, he was there for me, and said he would wait for me until I was ready to date again. Once I was ready, he had gotten into a relationship and told me he didn’t know I liked him, even though I remember telling him that I did. We stopped talking for a couple of weeks, and I was totally fine without him. He came back into my life and did the same thing two more times before saying he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. My feelings disappeared when I noticed his obsession with ponies and how he would take his anger out on me. I’m finally at the point where I’m ready to end things once and for all, but I can’t seem to work up the courage to tell him I don’t want to be his friend anymore. He gets mad over everything, and if I’m mad at him, he will get mad at me for being mad at him. Can you please help me? – Angry

Dear Angry: Want drama? Watch the second season of “Orange Is the New Black.” That’s all the drama you need. You don’t care about ponies or anger – you’re afraid of losing his attention. You must be bored. On some level, you like the back and forth. Once you admit it, you can quietly distance yourself from him. Blame the distance on personal issues, family problems or something that you aren’t comfortable sharing. Don’t worry about getting him mad. You just need to get him out of your life. But that means having a life that is still filled with attention and drama – get Netflix or join an online dating site. That’ll do it.

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