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Mom feels like failure after son fails to graduate

Mother Scolding SonDear Harlan: Our 19-year-old son will not be graduating high school due to not passing a financial-lit class and bombing the final. He was accepted to one of the state’s small colleges months ago, but because he didn’t pass a few classes during his senior year, he had to go to summer school – so much for this year. We don’t want him to go back to high school. Do you think attending a community college and getting his GED might work? We told everyone he was going to leave; now my husband and I feel like failures. Failing

Dear Failing: Your son failed the class – not you. His struggles belong to him. Don’t make it about you. Better it happen now than in college. Focus your energy on helping him figure out why he can’t graduate. Coach and help him. Does he have a learning disability? Is he struggling emotionally? Is he depressed? Is this intentional? Give him access to the best support to figure it out. Then, get out of the way. Shift your expectations. Give him room to figure it out. If you need an explanation for friends, tell them your son is taking a gap year and plans to get his basics out of the way at a community college.

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