Dear Harlan: My son is coming home for Thanksgiving break from his first semester in college. He just informed us that he plans on spending most nights with his girlfriend. She’s a lovely girl, but we see her on a regular basis (she visits him frequently). We understand that he wants to be with her, but we have family obligations. We also miss him and would like dedicated time together. How should we approach this without pushing him away?
— Breaking
Dear Breaking: Don’t make him choose. You’ll have hurt feelings and a miserable kid who can’t wait to leave. Don’t take this personally. He misses his girlfriend, friends and family. He needs to reconnect with the familiar people. Figure out how much time you need. Explain your dilemma to him. Let him know that you want him to spend time with friends and his girlfriend, but also want to make sure there is family time. Ask him what works for him. If he can’t give you enough, suggest changing times and shifting when you spend time with him. Be flexible. Invite his girlfriend. Make lunchtime family time. The fact that you’re asking him what works instead of telling him what you want should change the conversation.
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