Dear Harlan: I am 18 and going into my freshman year at a private university with about 3,000 students. I graduated with fewer than 100 students in my class, and I was not open about being gay. Going into college I am concerned with making friends, but I don’t want to hide who I am. I am living in an apartment on campus with nine other guys, and I am concerned about that because of my sexuality. On top of all of this, I am overly shy when around a lot of new people, and I’m entering an awkward situation. I feel like I am going to hate my freshman year and want to switch schools, but I also have high expectations at the same time. I really do not know how to feel going into this schoolyear. I know joining clubs will help, and I am going to do that while in the honors program. Am I concerned and worried for nothing? – Anxious
Dear Anxious: PERFECT! You are so uncomfortable! This is EXACTLY what you should be feeling right about now. Here’s my advice: Don’t fight it. Accept it and work to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. A private university with 3,000 students is the perfect place for you to be gay, shy, and worried. There are so many people waiting to help you. Some are students, some are professionals, some are both. Your job is to let your worries lead you to people and places where you can find support. Whether it’s academics, finances, friends, roommates, relationships, homesickness, emotions, drinking, drugs, temptations, and unexpected surprises, take comfort in being surrounded with help and support. Use it. Start by connecting with the LGBTQ group on campus. Find an ally (staff, students or professionals who are LGTBQ-friendly). Then, ask a counselor on campus, therapist, residence life staff, orientation leader, or student life professional to direct you to activities and organizations. Unload your worries and concerns with the people who have been there and done it. Once you find your people and places, you’ll know when and how to share your secrets. And you might actually learn to love life in college.
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